Is cancer painful? I'm sure everyone secretly wants to know this. Well, I'm beginning to write this at 6:21 in the morning. I've already been up for at least a hour, and I wasn't able to fall asleep until a few hours before that. The reason for me not sleeping and why I'm awake is because even after surrounding myself with pillows my hip and lower back pain is so intense I can't sleep. Even after waking up, the pain is even worse than when I fell asleep. To be honest, my pain has been intensifying over the weeks and now it's unbearable.
The gymnast in me makes me have a extremely high pain tolerance, so when I finally talked to my doctor yesterday it was mainly because she called asking. After all the mess ups in February and all the extra scans I was exposed to (no fault of my oncologist) I'm frankly scared to get my scans done early.
I do plan to call my orthopedic oncologist today and tell him I can barely walk again. Probably later than I probably should of attempted to call. But even when the pain is unbearable, the fear of bad news is even worse.
It's nothing, maybe it's all inflammation, hormone related or just sore from extra movement. (This is usually where I go to in my head, never in my journey with metastatic breast cancer is it actually this. But this hope provides me these few hours of sleep.)
PROGRESSION. This would be my worse nightmare. If it is progression this fast I'll probably be back in surgery. It would mean my treatment is failing and my future is unknown. This is every woman or man's biggest fear. (And the fear became even more real after my fingers typed this.)
So wish me luck, that's really all people can do. But I will see my upcoming get aways even if it hurts, I will see my cousin get married and through this pain I will rise.
Cancer you really suck right now!
Edited by a tired Larissa and probably not my best grammatically written post. Sorry in advance.