My first few days of processing that I have breast cancer were extremely private. I was NOT open about it. I wanted as much control in the matter as I could. After my diagnosis phone call, which was brief and direct, I was shocked, devastated and unsure how to feel. I of course cried a lot! So did Martin! After my phone call telling me I had breast cancer we finally pulled into our driveway. I knew I needed to call someone ASAP, so I called my busy mom.
My step father answered and told me my mom was busy, which is normal -- my mother is a workaholic. I heard my mother in the background say, “Is it an emergency."
"Yes!!!” I said
“Emergency like someone is dying emergency?” she said.
“YES I’M F*&^%*KING DYING!!!” I screamed and finally broke down.
My mom hung up and rushed over. Then I called my best friend Bonnie, “Hi....” Bonnie, who knew I had the biopsy, heard the fear in my voice. Before I could say the words she was in the car and on her way over. At this point the words I HAVE BREAST CANCER had not passed my lips. When my mother and Bonnie arrived the first thing we did was call back Jefferson Radiology and my gynecologist to have someone explain the news again, but this time with several ears listening. My other best friend Marcy was going through her own journey with breast cancer. My mind was racing so I thought I would call her and hypothetically tell her a story of “someone” who just found out she had cancer.
After talking to Jefferson Radiology and my gynecologist I absolutely needed a drink. March 9th of last year was an oddly warm March day. Actually it was in the 60’s, typical New England unstable weather. Martin and Bonnie took me to Bill’s Seafood in West Brook. We sat on the deck near the water. I looked at the ducks in the water and the seagulls desperately trying to get food. I remember hearing the cars driving over the old metal bridge. I looked at my vodka soda and said “this might be the best drink of my life.”
When Martin and I got home, we sat down and whipped out our phones and the research began!