Over the past few weeks I’ve had several moments to be grateful for and a growing number of moments where keeping my eyes open and staying upright has presented some difficulties. I’m tired! Plain and simple I'm starting to feel a type of tired I didn’t imagine possible.
My right eye twitches, while I am tempted time & time again ‘what if I close my eyes while going up these stairs… what would happen?’ I contemplate closing my eyes and resting for a few minutes all the time. But somehow I keep moving, working, smiling, laughing and living.
Then I lay down, nap or sleep and I wake up like I just ran a marathon and didn’t sleep one wink.
I keep going. I push forward. I smile and say thank you when people comment on how good I look. And up until a couple weeks ago I wasn’t completely lying when I said I felt well. But lately the fatigue is winning.
Are these side effects to my medication? Is this my cancer? Is it just life during the summer? Your guess is as good as mine.
BUT I'm just so tired! I’ve been in bed for over an hour and I can’t fall asleep. My eyes are so tired and my upper stomach hurts like a rock is stuck inside. My nausea increases while my appetite decreases each day. I save most my extra energy to assist the non-profit I started prior to my cancer diagnosis but I see myself struggling with that as well. My body feels weaker and weaker each day.
As everything gets increasingly harder, people see me as someone who is getting better each day but please bare with me; I do not feel well. I don’t know how long I have and more importantly NO ONE knows but I'm so tired. Thinking straight, juggling everything mentally and remembering anything is so hard. I feel the hormone therapy now, I’m sorry if I'm extra moody, emotional or edgy. I do feel more irritable every day.
I bet no one is surprised to hear that cancer is tiring and hard.
I guess you can say I'm good at hiding it!
But invisible diseases are hard for people to understand, its hard to work with us, its hard to emotionally support us. Our lives are rollercoasters! When medications are going well we might appear like super woman but as time goes on, and medications fail we get more and more tired.